So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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