I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
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They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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