I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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