I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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