I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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