we have pet lesbian snakes
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i need some magic done to my vagina
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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