jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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