Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize