Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize