you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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