forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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