New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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