bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize