Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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