Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize