I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You don't make any sense
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