i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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