At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize