do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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