Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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