im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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