sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
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...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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