yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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