I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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