Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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