Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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