Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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