Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.

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  (970): You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip. http://tfl.nu/rzap
  Replies (3) Good night (2739) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.

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  (571): I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad. http://tfl.nu/ovcp
  Replies (48) Good night (5093) Bad night (1606) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm

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  (615): i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm http://tfl.nu/dyx8
  Replies (28) Good night (4911) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)

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  (815): So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:) http://tfl.nu/dc1v
  Replies (6) Good night (4760) Bad night (898)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono

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  (313): And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono http://tfl.nu/k8o2
  Replies (17) Good night (3804) Bad night (1801) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.

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  (780): Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance. http://tfl.nu/w65a
  Replies (17) Good night (3175) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian

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  (845): if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian http://tfl.nu/1pnw
  Replies (7) Good night (1301) Bad night (2651) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?

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  (405): Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird? http://tfl.nu/uuel
  Replies (10) Good night (2269) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.

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  (570): He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall. http://tfl.nu/bycp
  Replies (17) Good night (1497) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?

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  (814): I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls? http://tfl.nu/unf7
  Replies (8) Good night (1539) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink

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  (602): You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink http://tfl.nu/maij
  Replies (7) Good night (1842) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.

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  (909): he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him. http://tfl.nu/hp2h
  Replies (6) Good night (1626) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.

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  (330): It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this. http://tfl.nu/6tb8
  Replies (4) Good night (386) Bad night (1067)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why

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  (630): Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why http://tfl.nu/bkyw
  Replies (8) Good night (1122) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"

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  (+61): Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart" http://tfl.nu/icuk
  Replies (3) Good night (1487) Bad night (249)

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