Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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