a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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