Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I love having hate sex.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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