Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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