Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
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I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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