I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize