Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
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Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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