Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need moral support for this bender
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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