I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize