Umm I'm too high to move.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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