Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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