she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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