i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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