You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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