you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize