your room smells of hookers.
And success
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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