I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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