When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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