i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
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NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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