I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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