I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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