A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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